My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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