i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
