you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
