She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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