Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
