We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
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I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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