I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
