Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Randomize
