I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
