We got so high we made milksteak
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think people are normalizing furries
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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