3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
