I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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