Please, let me fuck your mom
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Randomize
