like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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