Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
