As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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