garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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