Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember