i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
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If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man