So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner