my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
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There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.