woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up