he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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