i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
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I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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