Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
