Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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