the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
