Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
