I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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