You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
