i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
