Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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