Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
