Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
