they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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