my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You have to summon your inner elephant
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
