Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
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Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
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The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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