is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Little spoons don't ask big questions
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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