Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
