you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
