we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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