Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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