So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
