stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
