I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
