so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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