In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
