I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
