Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
