Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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