I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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