I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
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