If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
