i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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