I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
