Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
