left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
