I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
