What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
