im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
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My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
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I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
True college students do jello shots in the library
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