I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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