Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
