walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.