the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.