I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.