I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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