just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
