i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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