Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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