You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
