i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
