glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I understand Curling. That high.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
