i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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