did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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