Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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